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august 30, 2014
Another Year of Boxes
an attempt at spatial and self-awareness
my room has been a special kind of mess for the last couple months. i went drearily into the holidays thinking it would be a great time to pull everything out, take stock, reorganize, and shed dead weight. i didn’t really unpack last year - just found nooks for all the odds and ends i’d moved from Chicago. not unusual, really.
i reorganize and put things in boxes to relax. it makes me feel like i’m accomplishing something, even though i’m mostly just shifting it around. backpacks with pockets inside of the pockets, carrying cases, storage solutions - i can’t get enough of them. especially if they’re modular or stackable like a fucking megazord.
there are things i’ve had in boxes for years that i’m super excited about. as long as i have literally any other thing i should be doing instead - which all the time, apparently - they’ll be there forever. when i get something new, i play with it for an hour or two and put it in its container. i’m usually hoping i’ll be motivated enough to dig back into it later that night, or tomorrow. but it’s found its place among the things now.
doing anything without the promise of measurable personal improvement or forward momentum these days has felt challenging and unearned. it’s a dumb metric to measure by, because who cares? maybe enjoy your free time, bozo? i’ve got a lot of free time, and i spend a lot of it feeling bad about spending my free time.
anyone who knows me knows i love a good video game. slam dunk! but what i really love is the idea of playing and enjoying a game. the fantasy doesn’t factor in the attention span requirement or nagging feeling that putting off Real Life Stuff™ does. as soon as i’ve finished a game’s tutorial and get a sense of what the next 8 to 40 to 120 hours might look like i get stressed, beeline it to a save point, and turn it off for maybe be the last time. movies and TV are slightly easier in this regard. episodes don’t have nearly the feeling of commitment, nor does an hour or two. but i haven’t been watching as much as i used to, either.
once i drop whatever it is that day, it’s just another gently used, someday thing. it gets a nice little spot in the boxes. and those figurative and also absolutely literal boxes have started feeling especially crowded.
it’s officially been a year since i moved to Minneapolis. the year’s good day count was off the charts compared to the better part of the last decade, and i’m immensely grateful for that. i met new people! some of them are sticking - it’s all you can ask for. i started dating again with a motivation i haven’t had for a good chunk of the decade. it’s been okay! i made a new best friend. i leaned on my friends a lot. i love my friends. it gets kind of crazy to think about how there are people in my life now that i think about every day that i didn’t even know existed last year. it’s rad, and scary, and reassuring when days feel grey.
i’m trying to be thankful for people no longer in my orbit. i’m continuing to learn things about myself, like how i’m the kind of person who would rather have a kool-aid-man-esque hole in my memories and a bad aftertaste than feel like i’m spending energy on someone who doesn’t return or appreciate it. it’s OK - i’m very flawed and i am absolutely not everyone’s jam. but it hurts when realization recontextualizes things you held close.
my days mostly don’t get too dark, but there are some where it’s not so easy to smile and look forward. it’s reassuring to know it’s not just like that for me. i’ve got an appointment with a brain doctor in the hopes of figuring out why mine fights me. i’m eager to become a version of me who doesn’t interrupt myself 17 times to get through a task or thought process. i’d love to not feel guilty spending time doing things, especially if those things seem like they could be a lot of fun. it would be nice to have clean dishes because i took the time to load the wash because my room was already clean because i wasn’t laying on the couch wondering what i should do that feels like it can be accomplished. i’ve got so many neat things in boxes that i’ve just been waiting to dig into, man - let me at ‘em! please.
the nice thing is that it is easy to get excited thinking of all of the new things i’m gonna get to put in boxes this year. i love putting things in containers. i’m good at that. new music, things to laugh about, things to feel, people. it’s fucking neat.
i thought it would be fun to put together some semblance of a year’s end list, but ranking things so definitively doesn’t feel as fun as it used to, and narrowing myself down to 2022 only would be too restrictive for my grazing preferences this year. instead, i’ve worked on packing some things i’ve been thinking about or did or consumed into different storage solutions. i asked my talented, sweet, and best friend Ben to provide some visuals and he absolutely crushed them. let’s unpack!
the Backpack
i packed this one with everything i keep with me. front of mind. on my person. chances are if a day has gone by, i’ve thought about everything here at least once.
The 1975 and Being Funny in a Foreign Language
- BFIAFL didn’t even come out until the fall of 2022 but i’ve been absolutely mainlining it since. i’ve never been so amped about a band that multiple friends have made a point of telling me they “don’t get”. look - i don’t know what it is that i am getting from it that others aren’t. The 1975 is not trying to reinvent the wheel - they’d be the first to admit it (and have on multiple occasions). there’s an earnesty to it all that i find myself very attached to. literally the only reason i have TikTok installed is so my bestie Bri can send me Matty Healy content. i finally got to see them live in December and i don’t think i’ve moved like that at a show before. just a couple hours of deep groovin’ in a pocket of a sea of bodies in The Armory. bop your head. have fun. it’s good.
Kyle Bosman’s Twitch streams and Delayed Input
- if i’m not watching new Kyle Bosman streams as background noise in my apartment, chances are i’m instead watching archived Kyle Bosman streams as background noise in my apartment. Kyle’s streams are like going over to a friend’s place and just hanging out, killing time. good vibes. easily the most positive and entertaining parasocial relationship i have in my life. he’s also got a mostly-weekly show called Delayed Input about games that makes me gig (short for giggle) a lot.
giving my friends hugs and telling them i love them
- tell your friends you love them, dude. unless you don’t, but then maybe look into why?
Charli XCX
- Charli’s had a reserved spot in the backpack for a while now, and it doesn’t seem like she’s going to be leaving anytime soon. finally got to see her live this year. iconic.
the Steam Deck
- i’ve wanted a computer that fits in my hands ever since… forever? i love this thing, even though it brings the tinkerer out of me in the worst ways.
marijuana
- the Minnesota weed loophole is so funny. lmao.
the Synthstrom Deluge
- i got myself a Synthstrom Deluge as a little Holiday Treat and for as much as i’ve been fucking around with it, i’ve barely scratched the surface. i’ve always considered myself fairly tech-savvy, but tools for making music are overwhelm with options, and the Deluge offers a pretty incredible suite of tactile features in an impressively designed thing. i can’t wait to keep digging in.
Mountain Dew Spark Zero Sugar
- did you know most humans are about 60% water? not me, man.
the DeWalt® TSTAK®
i bought an absolute boatload of these bad boys last year before i moved. these are the guys that stack like fucking megazords. they lock into each other with latches. you can put together all kinds of combinations! this is where the good stuff goes, especially stuff that i’ll be going back for more of.
MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON
- it’s always dangerous to get excited about a 5-minute thing you love being just as good for 2500% of its original tested runtime. i couldn’t be more in love with what they did for the feature-length, and i found it far more relatable than i would have ever imagined. just a beautiful film.
Apple Music Sing
- it’s so weird that there’s just a feature built in to Apple Music now that will let you lower a song’s vocal track. when they first announced it i was actually shocked. then i was trying to think about how they might be doing it and was really hopeful that they’d struck a weird deal with the labels to make the studio instrumentals available. it’s not that - it’s AI - but it does a an admirable to passable job, and it’s certainly way more accessible than running everything through Spleeter. it feels kinda messy and against artistic intent to be so touch-of-a-button available - which is one of the biggest reasons i never expected something like this existing - but i’m at least going to enjoy it for now!
Poker Face
- i’m absolutely devouring this week to week. i hope it gets renewed until they’ve run out of sandboxes they want to explore. imagine being as cool as Natasha Lyonne. good luck!
The YouTube App on TVs Letting You Check Out the Comments, Finally
- hot tip: YouTube comments are pretty fucking good these days, at least in my feed. i genuinely enjoy checking in on the weird little micro-communities and discussions people are having, but i do a lot of browsing on my TV. up until about a month or two ago there was no way to access the comments on screen. now there is! neat. you’ll still come across dumb shit all the time, but there’s a notably and refreshingly positive and supportive energy in the comments these days, especially if you’re being realistic about the kind of audience the thing you’re watching might draw. i think it’s spillover from Gen Z’s earnest energy and i’m very here for it.
CONFESS, FLETCH
- i watched this movie like 3 times in a row. at least within the span of a few weeks. i really love this goofy, charming little thing. there’s a lot of the same creative, passionate, and infectious energy on display that Poker Face has. it’s like a one-man, extra-goofy OCEAN’S ELEVEN. i love watching things that you can tell people were having a lot of fun making.
Accutane
- feels weird putting this one here. certainly not something i’d like to go back for more of, but last year’s run was Round 2 - so i guess i’ve gotta be thankful and i’ve gotta be realistic.
SOUTHLAND TALES
- i’ve had this on the “get to it” list for years, but with the new 4K Blu-Ray release i finally gave it a proper shot. it’s a fever dream that takes itself too seriously but knows exactly how corny it is. you can make fun of this movie or get rattled and try to think too much about it - both make sense and aren’t unexpected coming from the dude who made DONNIE DARKO. it shares a level of prescience with IDIOCRACY , though it’s nowhere near as easy or fun to watch. but i’m looking forward to watching it again.
new albums from Caroline Polachek, Westerman, and more
- i can feel it already. 2023 is going to be A Good Year for Music. the new Caroline Polachek album comes out in like a week and i’m honestly thinking about taking the day off for it.
HITMAN World of Assassination
- Hitman (2016) , Hitman 2 , and Hitman 3 just got rolled up into one big super-package and it’s more accessible than ever. i finally spent time this year going through all 3 games after joyfully watching others over the years. i think it’s one of the coolest experiences interactive entertainment has to offer, and i’m excited to try out the new Freelancer mode.
Reese’s Puffs Minis
- they’re better in every way. the worst thing i can say about them is that you’re bound to eat more.
the Donate Box
it doesn’t always feel very fun to talk down on things, especially when some of them are perfectly fine and just Not For Me. there have been a lot of those things these days - yes, don’t worry, i know it might just be me! but these are things that just didn’t really stick with me or that i could just do without, outright, thank you.
GLASS ONION: A KNIVES OUT MYSTERY
- i was pretty amped for this and walked away feeling just wildly so-so. there were a lot of parts i loved, but KNIVES OUT, it was not. it feels like Poker Face had Rian’s main focus and i’m OK with that.
floaters
- i’ve had the most obtrusive eye floaters since around New Year’s 2019. i think i went to the opthalmologist like 6 times that year when they first showed up. these fuckers are thick, grey, relatively opaque, and hang out right in my line of sight. sometimes months go by when i don’t notice them as much (#blessed), or when they’ve shifted out of my focus, but they’ve been really bad these last few months. i’ve been assured by multiple eyeball professionals that they’re just bound to show up when you’re this nearsighted. neat!
The Rehearsal
- same vibes of how i felt with GLASS ONION. i enjoyed watching it, but i’m not really sure what it was going for, and i’m not really sure it knew, either. always happy for more Nathan, just hoping his next thing hits me harder.
having to ask for a straw at McDonald’s now
- honestly get the fuck out of here with this. i’m not gonna sip my Large Diet Coke No Ice out of the sippy lid. you know i’ll spill it. give me the straw.
AVATAR 2
- i watched the first AVATAR for the first time ever this year. i did so in the theater, with 3D glasses, as god intended. i was immediately impressed at how cool it looked and how very “that kind of movie” it was, and then the movie kept going and most of the wonder and excitement waned and i left the theater before the ending to go get some Raising Cane’s. and honestly AVATAR 2 was a lot more of the same. just feels so basic. it’s an absolutely gorgeous technological marvel, but it’s weird sitting through a movie i’ve never seen before feeling like i’ve seen it before.
Buffalo Wild Wings
- i need to start keeping a list of things around that sound good but that i know i’ll feel/regret later.
BULLET TRAIN
- this just sucked. also left this one to get some Cane’s, so hell yeah. it’s always a toss-up between 3 or 4 strips for me. maybe Cane’s needs to go in the Backpack.
the Box Sitting There, Unopened
lastly, not at all leastly, i’ve got a bunch of stuff in here that i’m gonna be digging into, or digging into more.
Andor_
- i watched the first 3 episodes the weekend they came out and i loved them! but i’ve been battling some weird anxiety about continuing since. knowing that the whole season is out now makes it feel more approachable, and i’m eager to get into it, but it just feels like one of those things i really need to clear my schedule for so i can take it in. soon!
learning to sneeze through my nose
- i sneeze through my mouth. always have. progress on this has been slow and hilarious.
Paul T. Goldman
- like Andor , i watched the first couple eps, and the whole season is out now, and i just need to finish it. unlike Andor , this thing is insane, and it’s less about needing to clear my schedule and more about getting in the right headspace to just be in awe of this weird art from Jason Woliner.
Collective Soul
- going to give them the benefit of the doubt after realizing just how many of their songs i’ve taken for granted over the years. shit grooves, man.
The Last of Us
- i don’t get into zombies. i’m just never really seeking out Violent and Depressing Zombie-Focused Television. however, i did like playing through both The Last of Us games. the first one took me multiple years of attempts, picking up and putting down - see the stuff about games way above. the second one had me fully immersed, hooked, speechless, feeling a real certain way when it ended. but the zombies are my least favorite parts of these games, too, and in the games i just kinda cheat-sneak my way past the suspenseful stealth sections. for some reason that feels disingenuous to do that with a TV show. i made it halfway through the first episode and put it down - more than happy to agree that it’s a Very Well Done Show, it just also leans heavily towards Not for Me. but i’ve decided i’m going to get through it.
soldering
- being even halfway capable of soldering is one of those be pre-reqs in the way of a number of other projects i’ve had on my mind. i’ve had a soldering kit on hand for a while now, but we know that’s not even half the battle.
The Simpsons
- easily one of my biggest pop culture blindspots. throw Futurama in there, too. i need to just take the time and plow through it all.
hey, you made it! i want to give a full, proper shout-out to Ben Briggs for drawing the lovely art guiding this jumble of thoughts.
he’s a
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funny guy on Twitter
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cute guy on Instagram
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pod guy on Sitcom D&D
for me, personally, he’s been a truly sweet force of good, helping me think about things when i need help thinking about them the most. he means a lot to me. thank you, Ben!
lots to be happy about. lots to work on. lots to look forward to. thanks for being here.
best,
C D